Tuesday, July 22, 2003

My Greatest Fear

Yesterday I discovered my greatest fear...the fear of not being used.

All my life I've been developing myself to be useful...I was raised to believe that being useful is what gives life its value.

But in the mean time, I have always been totally unable to use myself. I'm programmed to be used by others.

Others dream, and I make their dreams come true
Others need, and I work hard to fulfill their needs

I'm the best employee in the world, because I know how to make things happen, but I never really claim the credit of wanting them to happen.

I'm the "How" man, and a "How" needs a "What" to justify its existence.

Many times I knew what I want, and why I want it to happen, but I never really had the guts to go on and make it happen. I always search for a Justifier. Somebody who pronounces the magic words, and claims the dream as his own. Only this would set me into action...and I'm good in it.

So what if nobody dreamed? what if nobody pronounced his need? what if nobody asked me to help?
I would just remain there waiting, qualified to do, but not doing...being not-utilized is indeed my greatest fear.

I know about it but I fight it not....I just make every effort to be more qualified...so it goes on and on

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